12:22 p.m. - 2008-03-12
Costco hell
Went shopping last Sunday afternoon at Costco. We really didn't need to go shopping. I just wanted to get out of the house. When we got there, there was a line just to get into the parking lot. Once we got into the parking lot, there were no spaces. None. WTF??? No parking spaces at Costco?

We finally get parked and go inside. The place looks empty! Then we mosey around to the other side of the store and find out why. Everyone was in line. The lines stretched all the way to the back of the store. Four carts across, all the way to the back of the store - in two separate aisles!

Wow.

We're there for 4 things. Only 4 things! We didn't even have a cart.

As per my usual practice I ended up in the vitamins & stuff aisles which are right next to the check-out lines. The cashiers are stacked up close to the shelves of toothpaste and stuff, so the lines tend to curve quickly. This leaves a little backwater of few carts in the middle checkout lines. Usually this isn't a problem for anybody. You push your cart up to the front and pick your line. Sometimes you get lucky and pick a short, fast line. Sometimes you don't.

On Sunday, as I've described, conditions were a bit different. I had indeed seen the monstrous, long lines of full carts being pushed by frustrated shoppers who were most eager to check-out immediately. However, I still ended up in my usual place - facing the cashiers. And there it was - that little backwater... a check-out line with two carts behind it. The lines to the left and right of this little gem snaked their way back to the main aisles, conjoining with the other lines to create the monster lines stretching all the way to the back.

There is was. The perfect check-out line. I looked around. I looked at the people in the lines to the left and to the right. Everyone was locked into place as if they were glued to the check-out line they'd chosen.

What was I to do? Was it okay to step into the perfect, short line?

I waited. I looked around again. I waited some more. I watched the lines to the left and right advance and no one moved to this perfect, short line.

I boldly stepped up to this perfect, short line and patiently waited for the 2 carts in front of me to finish checking out. I was pleased. I had found the secret trap-door and had fallen through without a scratch. I found the shortest line, and I queued right up. I was a happy camper.

Then I heard them. They were incensed. They were outraged. I had "cut in line"!

They stood there pushing their overladen cart. They just stood there and heckled. Their heckling became most annoying. Yet, they were stuck like glue to their line. They wouldn't dream of moving into my, shorter, line. No... They had queued up at the end of the store, their frustration mounting with each inch they crept along. And then they saw me.

How dare he find a shorter line?!?! How dare he blithely step to the back of such an abomination as a short line? We must yell at him to let him know just how we have suffered. We must yell at him to let him know just how unfair it was that they had to wait so long, while I found such a short line!

Their heckling became taunting. Their taunting grew aggressive and obnoxious. I invited them to stand behind me in the still shortest line in the store. No... they would not, could not get into the shortest line. That would not be fair to those queuing up at the back of the store. That would not be fair at all.

I was selfish! I was a jerk! I was rude! I wouldn't be able to sleep at night! The pitiful cries and moans of those who waited, and waited, and waited would haunt me! Let it be on my conscience that they had to wait, while I didn't! How could I even think of queuing up in the shortest line, when they, they had to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...?

I invited them to join my very short line. I was the next customer queued up. There was still no one behind me. No one.

"Please. Come line up behind me." "Your line is longer than mine. Line up behind me and check-out sooner." But no. They would not. They could not move to a faster, shorter line. That would not be fair.

The man of the cart left his mate to "come talk reasonably to me". How could I be so selfish? How could I be so rude? "Don't worry." I told him. "You should line up behind me." He was greatly offended. He moved his substantial bulk quite close to me. He lowered his voice. His demeanor became menacing. I was still very selfish and rude, and I should right that moment walk all the way to the back of the store, to the end of the very longest line and wait. I was to wait just like he did.

"Or what?"

He pulled in his gut and loomed larger. I was to right that moment walk all the way to the back of the store, to the end of the very longest line and wait.

"Why?"

Because I was being selfish and he had waited.

"But I don't need to wait. This line was open. There is still no one behind me. Why don't you join me in this nice, short line?"

He moved closer. He moved much closer than what is considered polite in Western society. I was being a jerk and he needed me to move.

"Are you threatening me?"

Apparently, he wasn't threatening me, but he sure looked like he wanted to.

"Please. Come join my line. It's still the shortest."

No. That was out of the question. The Righteous Waiting Ones were adamant - they would stay in their very slow line.

The person pushing a cart in the line on the other side of the Righteous Waiting Ones didn't want to wait any longer. He pushed his cart through the line of the Righteous Waiting Ones and queued up behind me.

The Righteous Waiting ones were still incensed. They could not heckle and yell at some one who had waited, and waited as they had. So the Righteous Waiting Ones yelled at me some more.

As we began to check out, the Righteous Waiting Ones were still behind two very full carts. They weren't going to cut in line! No!

We paid, and on leaving the cashier they still yelled at us. We were rude! We were selfish! We weren't being fair! They were red in the face.

Was I wrong?
I really don't think so.

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