4:43 p.m. - 2007-12-21
Avoiding, yet not... is this homework?
That's it for today. I've futzed around Dland long enough.

ttg

Is this avoidance?
I do that. Avoid things. Hide.

Computers are marvelous machines capable of truly amazing avoidance.

It's also a dangerous source of very bad things to spend one's day reading. That has been a problem for me. A big problem. Not so much a problem now with my current meds.

For me, 90mg of Cymbalta kills my libido. What's sex? Why is is good? My body does not remember. This is not good. My mind remembers, but my body does not. It's sort of like pain. You can remember being in pain, but you can't remember or recall the actual pain. I remember lust and desire - fondly. I just can't feel it.

This is not good for me and the wife. However, she's finally going through her own therapy and so isn't terribly interested in romping in the sack either. Too many painful things from her past she's still dealing with. Unfortunately, one of those things was my penchant for reading dirty stories ad infinitum. Maybe in the future I'll be able to talk about _what_ I was reading.

Still, the wife and I are doing a lot of yoga and she is looking better and better. I guess I'm still in love. Yay! With her, my wife of 17 years. That's a very good thing. But I just don't have the urge to throw her on the bed, rip her clothes off (or vice versa) and conjoin in connubial bliss. Arrrgghh...

It's very frustrating. And it's even more difficult to talk about.
"I just don't get the urge" I say.
"That's okay. I'm not feeling up to it." I hear in response.

So wow... Who's not turning who on???

And yet I know for me it's the meds, and for her she needs some time. I remember that sex is great, but the memory is fading.

Tonight we're going to a party with our bestest friends P&D. We'll have some fabulous homemade soups and then go out caroling. We'll stay to the very end, helping out with cleaning up and get home very, very late. No time to sleep in tomorrow. Then Church on Sunday.

Sleep? What's that? And we wonder why we have no energy to romp between the sheets...

Anyway. It truly is time to go (ttg).
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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