11:28 a.m. - 2008-07-01
It ain't Dickens
19 days. I guess I am quite remiss.

Many things of great importance taking place.

busy, busy!!!

Not really. Just some of the Blue Monster moving in, and the resultant distractions. All which culminated last Friday...

listen in little Piltdown friends...

Friday was the best of times, Friday was the worst of times. (with apologies to Dickens) Went to couples counseling. Super-Duper Couples Counselor (SDCC) has been the savior of our marriage. SDCC "gets" both of us, and she "gets" us. Her balance between the individual and the couple is quite good. She's worth every penny. However, I think I'm being much too subtle in trying to bring up stuff about wonderful wife that irks me. I mentioned the latest issue and i felt blown off just as I had previously when talking about my "just" being depressed. I must assume I'm not speaking up enough to get my concerns heard...

"What concern was bothering you Friday?" How nice of all you Piltdown fans to ask. The wife and I carpool to work. She drops me off at the Metro (see Piltdown's profile, re: living and working in the Center of the Universe) and then she drives on to her work. This allows us to have some "we" time together on our way to work and save some time by driving in the HOV lanes. This works out very well going in together. It's the coming home that presents us with problems. Neither of us seem highly motivated to get out the door and go home. The wife is overwhelmed with too much stuff to do, along with her overarching perfectionism which means that nothing is every truly finished. The wife also learned that swimming in the ocean of the perpetuallly overwhelmed is how one lives. If she doesn't feel overwhelmed she feels useless. Hence, she feels to be perpetually treading water, desparately trying to keep from drowning in her overwhelmed state.

So what? Well, the wife won't allow herself to get up from her desk until just past the last minute before she'll be late. When we first started carpooling I would drop the wife off on my way to the Metro. And then later, after a delightful day at work, I would call her to let her know I was getting on the Metro and would be at her building in 30 minutes. Then, after I'd get to my stop and get in my car, I'd call again and let her know that I'd be arriving in 10 minutes. I'd then drive to her building and sit. And wait. I'd call her and tell her that it was 20 minutes since I last called. Then I'd sit. And wait. And wait some more. Then she'd come blasting out of the doors profusely apologetic and breathlessly explaining the latest outrage in the office and the reason why she was so late. I usually didn't mind and would work my sudoku, read the paper or the book I was reading.

However, this pattern of my sitting and waiting while she was taking care of "one more thing" began to wear on me. It didn't just wear on me, I felt discounted. We've talked about it. We talked a lot about it. After my episode last year we ended up switching so that she would drop me at the Metro and backtrack to her building.
This seemed to work, but more and more I find myself calling her that I'm leaving. Calling her when I arrive at the station. Calling her again, "where are you???" And waiting for her to finish just one more thing. Can you gues how I feel about this?

Those "just one more thing" seem much more important then me. I also hear, "Well, I didn't want to get there (Metro parking lot) and not have anything to do." But it must be okay for me to sit (actually stand) there with nothing to do.

My responses are not always adult, mature, or sensible. I can be passive aggressive, petulant, and silly. Mostly, I just get lost at work, play a lot of solitaire and arrive late at the Metro. Which brings me to last Friday. I stayed late. I didn't call. I didn't answer my phone. I was blue, down, avoidant and evasive and wouldn't the world just leave me the fuck alone.

So... I left work about an hour later than I said I would. I left a message on our Home phone. And I took the bus from the end of the line station.

Meanwhile, the wife was waiting, and waiting, and waiting and waiting for me at the station she picks me up at. She got a little upset, irate, scared, incensed, and needed to go to the euphamism.

Alas, when she got home she was a bit miffed.

After a bit of vociferousnous followed by silence we were coming to some bit of an accord. This was encouraged by my apologizing, grovelling, and general obsequiousness on my part. Yes, I was wrong. Yes I apologized. Yes we discussed what was going on. Yes, the wife was still very upset.

And then...

And then her mother called. Unfortunately the wife was indisposed. So I said, "She's indisposed, can she call you back in five minutes?"

Wow, that was the wrong thing to say.

How was I to know that in the wife's mother's family history, saying that one is indisposed means that the indisposed one just doesn't want to talk to the person wanting to speak. So, while trying to be polite and not saying, "Sorry, the wife is on the toilet taking a dump. she'll call you right back." I was read the riot act for trying to be the Gatekeeper and prevent the wife from speaking to my MIL.

I didn't find this out until after MIL called and whilst I was handing the phone to the wife, who was brushing her teeth and muttering... "I just called twice and got no answer, and she calls now when I've got a mouth full of toothpaste.", the MIL heard said mutterings, but took it as "Dear daughter does NOT want to talk to me. She hurt my feelings."

And so the shit storm ensued. The wife, who was still quite upset after my stupid stunt, was then lambasted by her mother. All either of them wanted was a sympathetic ear, but... I heard lots of shouting. I'm certain my FIL heard lots of shouting on his end. And the wife was in tears.

I was really really doing well on Friday. Not.

I started up above about best and worst of times...
I'm not quite sure what I was thinking about because there wasn't anything "best" about it.

This has gone on enough. I'll return with some idea of what was best.

ttfn

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